Basin of Melancholy

The clouds are a gently undulating sea
nestling into the nooks and crannies,
the folds of the Oregon landscape
filling up the spaces where people walk
in the mist
unaware of their underwater existence
and the majesty of the Sisters
gazing demurely over the pure white vastness

Who am I but you?

A thousand patterns fill my head
In day and while I lie in bed.
I think they're false while nighttime fill
But in day's light of course are real.

This neural dancing is my all,
I cannot but obey its call,
And if it weren't, I would not too.
Oh, patterns! Who am I but you?

Yet I do feel there's something more,
The patterns cannot be my core.
For if by night are false, then why
By day shan't also be a lie?

But if I'm more than where reside
If other than my skull's inside?
For matter fills all space I see,
External, there's no room for me!

Is there some spark, an inner light
Eluding all senses, despite
Convictions it is not a sham
Lest patterning I only am?

Alas! Sure I cannot become
Regarding where my me is from.
The search for light may be my thrill,
But patterns hold captive my will.

Imagination

When I was a little girl
My imagination invented
People, places, stories, names
Of things I’d never heard of
But dreamed of, in the light of day.

As I got older, my imagination was channeled
Into art classes, science fair projects
Hot cross buns on recorders and xylophones
Story contests for stuffed animals with
Rules and guidelines.

And later on, my overactive imagination
Pruned short and neat by essays
With more rules and regulations
I’d carefully abide by to the point that
What I’d write would always be the limit.

Now I’m here, my imagination
Kempt, perfected, channeled
So others can understand
Back it all up with references
And quantify beauty, wonder, mystery.

I know that in childhood, we were ALL
Pioneers of wisdom, problem solvers
Philosophers, but keep in mind that
Experience really dictates whether
We are smart enough to be heard.

So I attempt to break my indoctrination
Dance like I never did in ballet
Jazz the clarinet so my fifth-grade-band-teacher
Would simply cringe, and write
True to myself, always asking WHY.

I woke up to birds singing

Strings vibrate
the Universe resonates
like the heavenly spheres.

To know truth
is not to know science,
it is to guess to what cadence
the Goddess' footsteps
fall.

To know beauty
is not to serve vanity, or transient physical interests;
it is to understand harmony
and all it entails.

If you must ask yourself about meaning
it betrays only that you havent yet loved
the melody your own life traces.

And for it to come together
you must make a decision:
from what instrument shall I pour my destiny?

Worst poem I have ever written

Put on masks and play the game
Suck it up and take the blame
Loneliness, a crying shame.

Kiss this place a firm goodbye
Puke me up a lullabye
Sweet dreams now I'll never die.

Every provocation stings
Heart leaps when my cell phone rings
We all love meaningless things.

I need someone I can stand
They don't have to be too grand
Dry my tears and hold my hand.

Shallow shadows fill this town
Come with me we'll clown around
Laughs will be the only sound.

Tell me all the thoughts you own
Nakedness my soul is shown
I don't want to be alone.

Eternity

Eternity strides gracefully
Through the cosmic emptiness
Filled by fleeting embers
Of a once-burning dream.

With blind patience she waits
Perceiving no time, or space
Only ripples of existence
That dance inconsequentially through her mind.

She moderates universal extremes
With no action but her being
And though it is impossible
She yearns for death's sweet embrace.

Euphoria

To lose all sense of self and clearly see
Unfettered by reality's tight grip
To live because one only wants to be
And thrive upon life's peaceful sailing ship.
An empty hour spent inside a whirl
The universe's secrets spilling in
To open ears that drink down every pearl
Reflecting wisdom from our ancient kin.
Admitting love for nature's sweet abode
And fruits that on our tables we receive
Rejoicing that the graces here have showed
Us our fleeting existence in this sieve.
Just those brief glimpses to the wide abyss
Can hold this rapture of infinite bliss.

To Shannon

I stand in the doorway, trembling lightly,
Eyes glued resolutely to the floor,
I don't need to be chewed out here again,
I don't think I can handle any more.

You make my "shortcomings" seem so real,
Though I know how much you really lie,
It's still enough to hurt me just that much,
It's still enough to force a girl to cry.

On the couch now, must I sit through this again?
What makes you think I'm here for you to blame?
I'm never around, it cannot be my fault,
I'm never going to escape your little game.

I'll run before I deal with you again,
Nothing can ever really be the same,
You know I had to pack and run away,
You know, so why don't you feel any shame?

A world of mine came crashing to the ground.
You disappeared, I never said goodbye,
I'm left alone to pick the pieces up,
I'm left to try to tell the baby why.

What did I ever do to make her go?
Why did mommy run away so fast?
When he grows these are questions he will ask,
When he tries to understand his troubled past.

The suffering you've caused you'll never know,
No punishment can ever be enough,
You've broken families, and hearts, and dreams,
You've broken me, I hope you have it rough.

I hope you never know the joy I do,
When I see his smile and feel his warm embrace,
You'll never get to be his guiding hand,
You'll never get to smooth his tired face.

And so it ends, though this ending's bittersweet,
I've won his love, but you have lost a son,
I know you will regret all this someday,
I know I can't forgive. I know I've won.

House of God

Here is the church, here is the steeple,
Housing the saints and the sinners, the same.
Betting their souls to this meaningless game,
All together in the House of God.

Gluttons and boozers and cheaters we see,
Also those who do good for Mankind.
Hold up the cause, just follow it blind,
All together in the House of God.

There are the few who are whole and real,
But others, the hypocrites blemish the whole.
I guess they'll find out at the bell's final toll,
If they're all together in the House of God!

You're not crazy till you answer yourself

I had a conversation with you one day, and it went like this:

Me: I'm lost. Betrayed. The worst let down is the one you never expected.
You: It sounds the same as before.
Me: It is, really. I guess I should have considered myself warned.
You: Don't blame yourself. Hope springs eternal, they say.
Me: Problem is, I don't know if it was hope as much as desperation.
You: Same thing.
Me: Maybe.
You: I don't know what to say.
Me: And I don't know what to feel.
You: That's harsh. What if there is no right thing to feel?
Me: Then that's harsh too. I like blacks and whites.
You: Grey shades the world, darling.
Me: I know it, I know it. Do you know how hard it is to put cliches to practice?
You: Whatever. Their functionality is nothing. It's just for comfort.
Me: Doesn't really help. I'm still betrayed.
You: Are you, though? It's nothing new. You don't even know the facts.
Me: I can feel it. It's the same. I was betrayed the whole time, but now I can't let it go anymore.
You: If it's true, it should never have been let go. You can't let people do this to you, babe.
Me: What else do I have? I'm pathetic.
You: You have me.
Me:
You: What, no response?
Me: I know I have you. It's not the same. It's a different kind of bond.
You: And you think she's self-serving.
Me: You're right. I'm sorry. I hate it when my hypocrisy is so stark.
You: I understand. You're just confused now. Time heals all wounds, doll.
Me: But it's what happens in that time that really does the trick.
You: So let it happen. Go with the flow.
Me: Words of Wisdom from the master.
You: At least you know I really mean it.
Me: That I do... that I do.

And even if it didn't give me any answers, it was a salve for the broken-hearted just to know that you really cared...