Euphoria

To lose all sense of self and clearly see
Unfettered by reality's tight grip
To live because one only wants to be
And thrive upon life's peaceful sailing ship.
An empty hour spent inside a whirl
The universe's secrets spilling in
To open ears that drink down every pearl
Reflecting wisdom from our ancient kin.
Admitting love for nature's sweet abode
And fruits that on our tables we receive
Rejoicing that the graces here have showed
Us our fleeting existence in this sieve.
Just those brief glimpses to the wide abyss
Can hold this rapture of infinite bliss.

To Shannon

I stand in the doorway, trembling lightly,
Eyes glued resolutely to the floor,
I don't need to be chewed out here again,
I don't think I can handle any more.

You make my "shortcomings" seem so real,
Though I know how much you really lie,
It's still enough to hurt me just that much,
It's still enough to force a girl to cry.

On the couch now, must I sit through this again?
What makes you think I'm here for you to blame?
I'm never around, it cannot be my fault,
I'm never going to escape your little game.

I'll run before I deal with you again,
Nothing can ever really be the same,
You know I had to pack and run away,
You know, so why don't you feel any shame?

A world of mine came crashing to the ground.
You disappeared, I never said goodbye,
I'm left alone to pick the pieces up,
I'm left to try to tell the baby why.

What did I ever do to make her go?
Why did mommy run away so fast?
When he grows these are questions he will ask,
When he tries to understand his troubled past.

The suffering you've caused you'll never know,
No punishment can ever be enough,
You've broken families, and hearts, and dreams,
You've broken me, I hope you have it rough.

I hope you never know the joy I do,
When I see his smile and feel his warm embrace,
You'll never get to be his guiding hand,
You'll never get to smooth his tired face.

And so it ends, though this ending's bittersweet,
I've won his love, but you have lost a son,
I know you will regret all this someday,
I know I can't forgive. I know I've won.

House of God

Here is the church, here is the steeple,
Housing the saints and the sinners, the same.
Betting their souls to this meaningless game,
All together in the House of God.

Gluttons and boozers and cheaters we see,
Also those who do good for Mankind.
Hold up the cause, just follow it blind,
All together in the House of God.

There are the few who are whole and real,
But others, the hypocrites blemish the whole.
I guess they'll find out at the bell's final toll,
If they're all together in the House of God!

You're not crazy till you answer yourself

I had a conversation with you one day, and it went like this:

Me: I'm lost. Betrayed. The worst let down is the one you never expected.
You: It sounds the same as before.
Me: It is, really. I guess I should have considered myself warned.
You: Don't blame yourself. Hope springs eternal, they say.
Me: Problem is, I don't know if it was hope as much as desperation.
You: Same thing.
Me: Maybe.
You: I don't know what to say.
Me: And I don't know what to feel.
You: That's harsh. What if there is no right thing to feel?
Me: Then that's harsh too. I like blacks and whites.
You: Grey shades the world, darling.
Me: I know it, I know it. Do you know how hard it is to put cliches to practice?
You: Whatever. Their functionality is nothing. It's just for comfort.
Me: Doesn't really help. I'm still betrayed.
You: Are you, though? It's nothing new. You don't even know the facts.
Me: I can feel it. It's the same. I was betrayed the whole time, but now I can't let it go anymore.
You: If it's true, it should never have been let go. You can't let people do this to you, babe.
Me: What else do I have? I'm pathetic.
You: You have me.
Me:
You: What, no response?
Me: I know I have you. It's not the same. It's a different kind of bond.
You: And you think she's self-serving.
Me: You're right. I'm sorry. I hate it when my hypocrisy is so stark.
You: I understand. You're just confused now. Time heals all wounds, doll.
Me: But it's what happens in that time that really does the trick.
You: So let it happen. Go with the flow.
Me: Words of Wisdom from the master.
You: At least you know I really mean it.
Me: That I do... that I do.

And even if it didn't give me any answers, it was a salve for the broken-hearted just to know that you really cared...

At least I hope so

Graceless I am as I yield to my pleasures,
Deriving enjoyment from what others see
As a grand moral weakness, indulging myself
But destroying the woman they see me to be.

I never did ask for the judgment that falls
Here upon me, outright, though my actions have begged
For the harshest chastisements that can be provided
And heard by the devil on which they are pegged.

Prodigious guilt I have felt, it is sure
As the rising each day of the all-lovely sun.
Who would bother to go on, with weight justly placed
If it pressed down for nothing more than short-lived fun?

Rebelliousness or the stretching of liberty,
Broadening of my experience thus,
Or the search for my soul when reality's stripped
Of its stranglehold with such a minimal fuss.

Why do intentions of mine matter so
If the ending result's just exactly the same?
For I have done nothing to hurt those I love
While partaking in this most fantastical game.